he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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