I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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