It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
