I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
