then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
