you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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