Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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