Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
