You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
