That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
