I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
