It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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