its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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