And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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