Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
