This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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