Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
