i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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