Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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