Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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