I can tuck mytits in my pants
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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