lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
and she was petting her beer can
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
