I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
