They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
