Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
this hospital has no fireball
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
