Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
