I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
