dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
