My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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