Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
