Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
