if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
