my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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