Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
