this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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