I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
