I murdered the dance floor call the cops
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
