R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
