I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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