Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
