Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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