dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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