i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
