You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
