Even water is tasting like jack daniels
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
