This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Terrible idea I love it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
