Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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