I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
