In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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