apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
